Great Effortless Achievement

The day I first received that special "gift" from Mother Nature was filled with repeated awkwardness. I was in the seventh grade and, although I knew it was in my future, was not expecting it anytime soon. Of course, I had to discover the scarlet curse during the middle of gym class, which was taught by Coach Garza. Coach Garza was one of those uber masculine, muscular, athletic, "no wimps allowed", macho guys. He was far from the person you wanted to share that sort of information with. He didn't allow passes to the restroom or the nurse without full explanation of why you couldn't wait.
I decided to wait it out the full 20 minutes left of class, until we were paired up for holding each other's ankles for sit-ups. He just had to pair me up with Dwayne, the guy I had a major crush on. Not wanting to risk complete embarrassment, I sucked it up and approached Coach Garza hesitantly. I was told that I should have come prepared and that I could wait a few more minutes. He also refused to let me change partners or sit out the exercise. I never even looked at Dwayne again after that day; short white gym shorts, need I say more.
After gym, I high-tailed it to the nurse's office for supplies, only to find that the nurse was out of stock. I had two more classes to attend before the final bell. In the spirit of MacGuyver, I made due with paper towels and TP. These didn't work to my expectations. My last class happened to be theatre arts. Luckily, Mrs. Munn, let me rummage through some old costumes for a pair of over sized black slacks and a belt that barely held them up.
I called my mother to pick me up and explained why I could not take the city bus home in clothes that were mismatched and ill-fitting. She met me an hour later and we made a stop by the store on the way home for pads. I had forgotten that my step-father's mother, Eleanor, was coming for dinner that night.
Eleanor was a very well-meaning woman with a very large mouth. She is the grandmother that has to know everything that is going on, reasons for everything, and is never short her two cents to contribute. She is also one of those grandmothers that is proud of EVERY achievement in our lives. This was no exception.
We got home. I grabbed the grocery bag with recent purchase, and ran through the house toward the bathroom. Seeing me run, Eleanor assumed I was ill and followed quickly. Our single bathroom was occupied by my older step-brother, so I dashed to my bedroom to grab a change of clothes to take with me once I was granted admittance. By this point, Eleanor is following me around like a reporter on a hot story asking me about the hideous pants and my sense of urgency. My mom whispered the answers to her.
Upon hearing of my dilemma, Eleanor proceeds to bang loudly on the bathroom door, yelling that I need in there immediately. I finally get in, get a quick shower, and all padded up. When I emerge to join the family for dinner, Eleanor stands. She dramatically taps her tea glass with the handle of her fork and announces to my sister, step-father, and two snickering step-brothers that I have become a woman. She was so proud that she suggested we all go out for celebratory ice cream after dinner. I opted to stay home and hide in my room.